sit & think

Wednesday proved to be a bit of a reprieve.

After a slew of soggy grey days the sun was ready to peak through.  It was still quite chilly - not Indiana chilly - but with quite a bite.   

Rachel had a social call in North Portland to make so I asked her to drop me off at a cute coffee shop near their old house in the Kenton neighborhood.  I ordered an americano with a slice of chocolate espresso loaf and found a seat.

It proved to be just the ticket.  I knew if I stayed home I would putter around and probably spend way too much time wandering the echoing halls of social media.  But out I only had what was with me to accomplish and work.

I've been reading the book Mountains beyond Mountain by Tracy Kidder.  It is an excellent biography (thanks Maggy for the recommendation) and the subject, Paul Farmer, is very interesting, unyielding and quite inspirational.  A few chapters in that got my mind wakened and ready to think.

Out came the sketchbook, pencils and pens.

 I just let what came to mind be.

In this moment, I admitted something to myself that I needed to own up to but was quite embarrassed to realize.  I mentally tear down my own work and devalue what I create because it is never perfect.  My craft is not precise and always crooked and quite imperfect.  That is when my new mantra came to light.

"Hi, my name is Sharon and I am not a machine."

This I will tell myself, committing to memory, so that the imperfections can make it mine.  

I once believed this but some how it slipped my grasp.  I will allow my lines to be crooked, my seams to be slightly off.  It is not my place or purpose to create something that has precise degreed angles.  Creating that brings joy and satisfaction to some creators but for me it take the joy and leaves satisfaction elusive.  I love to create like solving a puzzle.  I take the elements and form it into what I want them to be.  I generally cannot tell what they will be until the project's underway.  This is one of the reasons I generally do not plan out in a sketch book.  Sketches are ideas, inspiration, methods and process but rarely instructions.  Coincidentally, the same puzzle to be wrought is why I enjoy editing clothes as apposed to complete creation.  I love to look at the possibilities and process it out.

It is quite amazing what happens with the luxury of allowing space to think.