season's close

Friday evening was the last ski club trip for the season.  Being that it was March 1st it is probably the right time.  We have had quite a few trips since my last update but I've only skied for two of them.  In my second skiing adventure I decided it was time to take the next hill (having gotten the hang of the bunny hill the first night).  So after a little hesitation I took off down the hill - and wiped out flat on my face before the bottom.  Dusting myself off I headed over the ski lift to head back up the hill and go again.  

At that moment I realized that I would be suspended on the bench quite a few feet in the air - my massive fear of heights was only kept in check because there was a sixth grader sitting next to me and flipping out on the outside like I was on the inside would have been totally embarrassing.   He share the fine points of what to do when I got to the top and had to unload.  That I could actually manage quite well.  

There I stood at the top of the hill - deciding maybe the other side would be kinder.  The other chaperones came up behind me.  The sponsor asked if I wanted a little lesson - as he knew I was pretty green at skiing.  I assured him I was fine.  I ushered them in front and said I needed a minute.  I did.  I was pretty terrified.  The idea of racing fast down that hill again was too much.  Not to mention having to ride the lift back up.  Yikes.

You guessed it.  I was still standing they facing my doom when they came back up the lift for their second ride down.  At which point my lesson was no longer optional.  Mr. S gave me the finer tips on how to stop mid-hill, stay in control and not go speeding down the hill.  He then proceeded to ski backwards down the hill coaching me the whole way.  I managed to make it down the hill and not die.  

Back at the top (having survived the ski lift without the wire snapping in a freak accident once more) I had just a little more confidence and scooted toward the edge.  As I picked up speed near the bottom I realized that it was all my head freaking out.  

A moment of enlightenment came on that slope: I was freaking out about the big picture.  

If I could just focus my brain (and skis) into what was right in front of me and staying in control of where I was at then I would be just fine.  That is pretty darn heavy.  Who knew.  

I managed to make a few more runs before calling it a night and felt pretty good about it.  Actually, really good.  Skiing still scared the bajezzes out of  me - but it was mostly the creative force in my head going to town on all the "what ifs" - the seven hundred ways this could end in disaster.  The part that amazed me was how silly it is/was.  I have flown solo to Europe and back (twice), road a dogsled on the frozen bay in the Arctic and managed to survive the New York, Paris, Barcelona and Montreal metro lines without issue but skiing, skiing and riding the lift terrified me.  What a lesson.  

Silence the "what ifs" and focus on the moment right in front of me and I will be fine. 

Friday was fabulous.  The sun was still shining a bit by the time everyone was geared up.  I inched toward the edge and flew down the hill unscathed.  The new goal was the next hill.  It was taller and thus longer.

On the lift I managed to find a buddy to ride up with - helping to keep the height freakout on the inside.  Then I realized it was actually quite beautiful and peaceful if I looked around instead of focusing the ground below and the rope above on which the seat balanced.  Instead I looked out at the tree line and took in the beauty of the bare trees.  They were looking a little grey and fuzzy around the edges - spring is on its way.

The top of the hill brought the best reward - a view of everything below.

It was beautiful.

I managed to make it down this new hill a least half a dozen times.  At one point the uneven, icy bottom of the hill did get the best of me and I wiped out.  But, I had had a bit of practice at that by then and just unlatched my boot and stood up.  I didn't beat myself up - just dusted myself off and kept going, having learned something from the fall.  [lesson #2]

On one ride up I chatted with one of the other adults in our group.  We talked about the power of prayer, reminding me I need more in my life.  She went on to the bigger hills.  I stuck to this one and found some good music to keep me company.  

I realized that if "flying fast over snow"  is what scared me than I would just do my best to go as slow as I could down that hill.  

So I did.  And looked around, the view was beautiful.