Tuesday, January 10, 2012

in affirmation of my trepidation

 Life has been a snowball lately.  This is not a reference to actual snow, because there is very little.  My life is changing.  The life I have known and adored for the past two years and seven months is in the process of upheaval.

A few weeks ago I decided I am moving and determined my destination is New York City.

As of the first of the year I have cut back my hours at the Shop - shortening my function there down to two days a week.


I thought you loved the small town life.

My life here has been amazing and I do and will always love it, but there came a moment when I realized that it is no longer where I need to be.  I am root-bound. 

This is by no means a simple or easy decision to conclude.  I have fought it.  Fought it so hard I grasped at things that were not even me and eventually lost my strength to fight.  At this point I realize that if I don't grow... well, the alternative is unacceptable. 

From the point of decision my gut has been split (figuratively) from the excitement of change and the complete sense of anxiety of this unknown.

This sense of unknown is something I spotted some time ago and from which I have been hiding.  I thought, my life would follow a certain path.  I had this idea in my head - a plan.  Now I sit here, 25 years old, and that plan lays in the rubbish.  It's like seeing that off ramp and going past it except I never had the correct directions to begin with and I kept watching for the curve or fork in the road and now I am somehow in Mottville.  How did I get here?  I have this GPS but the road is closed and my destination is not on the map.  What a frustrating feeling!  This is the point where I realize that no matter how stubborn or proud I am I'm going to have to take that road that I thought was silly and out of the way.

It is time to learn.  It is time to be uncomfortable and completely scared out of my whits!

It is time to grow.

Last night I sat in my room and realized that I had no certain plan.  There is ALWAYS some sort of directive and future plan.  All of life [until now] has been this way - there is a constant.  I think that embracing this unknown - letting it be unknown and just taking that faith-filled step forward is my plan and is the next step.

And to breathe.

And to pray.

And to allow myself to feel all of this because it is part of the journey.

And to be grateful.  Very grateful.


Anonymous said...

hugs hugs hugs
lots and lots of them too.

Anonymous said...

Face it girl, u r just runnin away! Youll get to NY n find u r just as torn up there, as u r at home. Change aint a place.

Abby said...

i think i'm totally in the same place you are.

i'm excited for your next steps. i love the way you take on life. : )

hope you're doing well!!

Lizzie said...

I totally know how you feel with your plan laying in the rubbish! I thought I was going to be a "career woman," but it sure isn't looking that way anymore! It's been a tough adjustment, really hard actually, but overall so so good! And I know this transition you're going through will be good in the end too. You're an amazing person no matter where you go or what you're doing. Looking forward to seeing what your unknown next steps bring . . .

Anonymous said...

Miss Sharon! I am so excited that you are coming to the northeast!!!

RARRAT said...

I have a comment for "anonymous." You are so far off that it is almost amusing. Do you even know Sharon? She is a strong, brave, wonderful woman who does not make big decisions lightly. But once she sets her heart and mind on something, she commits herself for the long haul. Leaving such an ignorant nasty comment without even signing your name makes it clear that you're the coward here. I suspect you're so "torn up" over your own sad life that it has skewed your perspective on the actions of others. Face it girl, you have a lot of growing to do.

Katherine Ross said...

Oh Sharon. I know you've been thinking about this long and hard, and I know it's the best decision for you right now. You've had so many confirmations about this move, and you're without a doubt headed toward your passion and dreams. You can't NOT go!

Plus you have Lance to help you get into the swing of big city life! :)

I'm so excited to see this next chapter of life, even though you'll be so very far away.

And who the frick is anonymous #2?! They don't know what they're talking about. They also don't know a thing about good grammar.

an interested reader... said...

You have such good friends. And where did you get some of those good friends? Why when you went away to Savannah for school. And the ones you made here became even better friends. Your friends will be there for you whether you are a few miles away or a few states away. Then there are the friends that are waiting to be made in NY or where ever you go. This is part of your journey through life. Whether it be in Savannah or the Arctic or in Indiana. It will be good and your friends will be there as they have always been. It would be selfish of all of us to discourage you from this next chapter in your life. Yes, we will miss you. Yes, we are just as apprehensive as you are but God loves you much more than we do and He said He will direct your paths as you trust in Him for direction.
We all have learned so much from your blog. We look at things alittle closer and sometimes say to ourselves 'how would Sharon do this?' and then call or text you for the answer. We want you to grow and bloom even more. And we will be cheering you on too! Sigh.. ouch my heart that you have to leave but then I am so grateful you have somewhere to grow even more beautiful.
Love you forever, mom

Maggard said...

Can I second everything your (awesome) mom said? You are in the hands of the BEST guide and friend. You are not lost, you may not even be wandering. Sometimes I think He brings us to places that seem like an incredible stretch on this side of things, but on the other side looking back, it is so beautiful. (ex. jumping in my car to arrive at "the purple house"... with two - kinda three- girls I met online.. sounds freaky. looking from this direction back - one of my absolute favorite and special times of my life...)
LOVE you.

juneBells said...

petunia! so exciting! soak it all in! when can i come and visit!! with roots in a magical place like wakarusa you will be so boldly supported wherever you go. these are exciting times!


xo amy in the IQ

Lexi said...

Your words inspire me Sharon. So much.